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You are Not What You Attract

Don’t let your dating history define you.

What is your type? Are you attracted to the “bad boys,” “mean girls,” “(pillow) princesses?” What does it really mean to have a “type?” Most times, it is the type of person we think we are attracted to; The physical attributes and characteristics we want in an ideal partner. But after a few failed relationships you may begin to notice that each one of your ex’s (if they even make it that far) all have one thing in common. One common thread that connects each new failure to the last. Cheaters, liars, miscommunications, possessive types, negative nancys. Whatever it is, chances are many, if not all, of your ex boos have made the same mistakes in retrospect. Or perhaps you’re making the same mistake. Yup you guessed it, you are dating the wrong people.

Your Type vs. Your Match

Sometimes the type of people we think are our type really are not the ones for us at all. In fact, they are usually the exact opposite of what we need in our lives even though we may attract them. Relationships are about balance, romantic relationships, co worker relationships, family relationships, all balance. If you find yourself in relationships that always leave you holding the short end of the stick, then it is time to start approaching “your type” in a different way. Your type of guy or girl is probably not your match. And yes, there is a huge difference. See, what you want may not actually be what you need, and you have to be able to sit with that and accept it. Be honest with yourself about the things that you value in a person and in a relationship and not just the superficial stuff, the real stuff.

Yes, aesthetics are important, who doesn’t like a little eye candy right? But if you really want to figure out the type of person that is your match you have to know the type of person you are and who you are when in a relationship. You may want the bad boy, but when that bad boy starts to live up to his label in all the wrong ways, you’ll soon find that the relationship is not what you signed up for. Then you will wonder how you’ve ended up in the situation again or why you keep getting hurt, but at some point you have to dig deeper.

Self Care

Take a step back and be single for a little while, and be intentional about what you are going to do with your new found freedom. Have you just gotten out of a long term or stressful relationship and need some alone time to work on yourself and repair the damage?

Do that!

Maybe you just want to date a bunch of folks so you can figure out what your type really is. That is fine too. Being single is never a bad thing, no matter how old you are or where you are in life, and do not let anyone tell you different.  But there is no point in being single if you are not willing to work on yourself and figure out what you can do to change the patterns in your dating history.

Date With Intention, Not Desire

You are not what you attract. Plain and simple. Just because you find yourself with the same type of person, that does not mean there is no way to change. Don’t set out in search of your type or your perfect match, because you will never find them. The best thing to do is to date with your eyes open and take your time to sort through the throbbing of your heart (or other parts) to figure out if the person you are dating has the characteristics that compliment you. That’s right, compliment. Relationships are about balance remember. So if you are the type of person who does not like to be the center of attention, think twice about getting too serious with the person who is. In the long run, you will find yourself arguing with them about things like why you won’t dance at the party, or why they yell so much during disagreements.

Although you may be intrigued by those who have characteristics that you do not, realize that these characteristics may be what keeps your type from being your perfect match. Most importantly, learn from your past choices, all the wisdom you need can be drawn from what you have already been through.

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