When we have been hurt, taken advantage of and hold certain identities we may feel that we are not worthy to receive love. The feeling of not being wanted or loved is further believed as Ricky, Pray Tell and Blanca navigate the world with HIV. Particularly thinking of the amount of misinformation surrounding HIV and the way HIV became state-sanctioned violence against queer black folks because of the lies, lack of access, and disproportional broadcasting of their status. The state created a narrative that othered instead of advocated for the rights of black queer folks. This behavior still impacts our society today because it is so embedded in societal norms, which is why it so important to get educated on HIV. It is also important that we have culturally competent physicians who actually care about the bodies of black queer folks. Now that I got my little important soapbox speech out of the way lets get into the mess…
First off, Pray Tell and Ricky had me shook. Clearly Pray can still catch it if you throw it. The intimacy and care of love making between Ricky and Pray Tell was something we all needed to see. It was slow and sensual, which is often not portrayed by black gay men in media and it was beautiful to see. However, I feel conflicted about these two. Conflicted because Pray is an elder and I wonder if they are genuinely connected or simply filling a void for one another. Though I think it is nice and needed to have a partner that can empathize with your pain, I am concerned that is all they really have. What is their relationship outside of their belief that they will never be wanted by anyone else? It is honestly too early to tell what will come of this but it certainly is messy. They are all family to one another and Pray in many ways serves as the patriarch to the House of Evangelista, so to sleep with your sons ex is not cool. Though Damon and Ricky broke up, it is clear to see the energy between the two was not completely dissolved. Nonetheless, we cannot help who we feel connected to, but we have to be ready for the consequences of the choices that we make as grown ass people.
I am not surprised about Blanca’s reaction to Angel. Blanca has always gone out of her way to protect Angel and it makes sense considering they are connected on a different level, being that Angel is her only girl. Angel was there since the beginning so they are deeply connected. Add the fact that motherhood is difficult and you are not always going to make the right decisions. It can be hard to face the truth about your children because you raise them as well as you can, teach them wrong from right and give them all the love you possibly can. Then they make decisions that disappoint you, they leave your home to chase their dreams and deal with the consequences of their choices without you being so accessible. Blanca has been a great mother and I she should take this time to be selfish. I was a bit saddened in the way that Blanca treated Damon because her denial impacted her relationship with her son. A son who had been abandoned before and who was experiencing so much hurt at the time—she did not show up for him. Blanca’s demeanor was surely one in denial because deep down she knew the truth but when you love someone so deeply you do not want to see their faults. I applaud Angel for being honest, but I wonder if she would have been that honest if she did not have the capacity to move out like she currently does. I want Angel to thrive so I hope she does not let drugs get the best of her.
And Papi, sweet Papi—I adore him and his love for Angel, but I have not seen him say anything about her drug use. She has him on a tight leash that he has not once had an adult conversation with her about the issue. Shame on me for wanting them to be this perfect ass power couple but I did not see him being an enabler of her toxic behavior.
Damon is out here about to live his best life, though he needs to go get tested. At the end of the day House of Evangelista is unbreakable. Their bond is strong even in chaos and they will always find their way back to each other because that is the power of queer kinship.
Cover Photo: TV GUIDE