Well, did not know that Candy had AIDS and Blanca has dyslexia. Just goes to show that you never know what a person is living with, which is why we should always choose kindness… Also, Elektra was playing nice this episode.
What this episode made clear to me is the need for healing within oneself. Pray Tells’ anger is so valid and indicative of his vast number of encounters with trauma. We see him face his demons in ways that many of us ignore because it is too difficult to peel back the layers and relive the moments that you wish never happened. To live in trauma is to sometimes lack the desire to keep pushing because it may be hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. According to the Trevor Project, folks within the LGBTQ+ community are more likely to commit suicide than heterosexual heteronormative folks. When we add sexual, physical and verbal abuse that number is often increased. When we also add the fact that you have a life-threatening disease which you have seen take away your loved ones and experienced the ways that folks have othered you in society, it is a very challenging task to stay afloat. Candy appearing as this figure of death is a battle that so many people face each day and will either let her in or scream “It’s not my time!” I admire the relationship that Blanca and Pray Tell have because they can share their true sentiments with one another though love is always there.
They both shared feelings of blame and guilt, which is natural. We often want to blame someone for our situation and sometimes there are folks to be blamed, but other times it isn’t anyone’s fault. In this situation, Blanca believed she was doing the right thing but at the end of the day we never really know the impact that drugs will have on our bodies, however, just knowing that this prescription might help provides the hope that often gets us through each day. It’s like listening to a commercial that states “This drug may cause…” and you’re thinking to yourself “How in the hell did this drug even get approved?” but you try it anyway. Seeing the community come together for the AiDS cabaret with beautiful songs and performances makes me greatly appreciate the moments that they show up for one another because that is also a part of healing. Knowing that you are not alone and while you have bad days you will also have good ones too.
Although the Frederica Normans’ of the world are constantly trying to devalue, manipulate and just be shit people towards black, queer and poor folks, thinking that we will sit idly as they attempt to take advantage of us is very telling of their white privilege. You must be a deeply shitty person to kick someone—in this case a Black trans womxn— when they are already down all the while they are just trying to make a living to support their family and they’ve done absolutely nothing to you except exist.
The nervousness that Frederica displays when she sees Blanca and the many folks that have come out to protest just showcases the overarching fear that the Frederica’s of the world have when black queer folks stand up against them. Why go to such great lengths to tear someone down if you do not think they will succeed? It never ceases to amaze me when folks go out of their way to hurt people. Frederica came into a space that was not hers and that she was not invited to—a space full of vulnerability— in order to cause even more pain. If you are claiming that you’re not transphobic, homophobic, racist, etc. while navigating the world like Frederica, you really need to do some self-reflection.
Forgive for yourself, heal for yourself and know that the Frederica’s of the world fear you so live unapologetically and authentically you.
Cover Photo: FX