It’s that time of year again! Everyone on your timeline is swearing that they will be cutting folks off in the New Year, and professing “New Year, New Me!” or “I’m gonna start letting people know now who’s not making it into the New Year.” So let’s be real about a few things.
Having the mind set that you have to cut people out of your life in order to prosper in the New Year gives way too much power and responsibility to them when really your success, positivity, and prosperity is all based on you and the choices you make. Yes, there are some people that you can do without in your life, and the New Year is always a good starting point, but instead of focusing on the external factors in your life, what are some behaviors that you need to change? Maybe you wouldn’t feel the need to cut people out of your life if you were just up front and honest with them from the jump. That way, you wouldn’t feel abused, demeaned, used, or unappreciated. You wouldn’t feel compelled to cleanse your circle.
Of course, you should never keep people in your life who are abusive, and do not feel the need to change yourself for anyone, but change your expectations and standards for those in your life, and they will meet that standard. If folks do not comply, it’s their loss.
Remember that you hold all the power.
So instead of clearing house, get real with yourself this New Year. Be honest about, and own your short comings. What is it that you really need in order to take back control of your life and happiness; Because you won’t find it in the absence of someone else, so go ahead, go through your list of New Year cut offs – by March 2018, you’ll find yourself tied up in the same bs with different folks because you didn’t tie up the lose ends. Again, let’s be real.
Why is it that you feel so adamant about purging friends, family members, and co workers around this time of the year? It’s because you did not set the standard for how you want to be treated last New Year. You did not hold people accountable for their screw ups, you did not hold yourself accountable for speaking up for your self and your needs within your relationships, and until you do, you will be cutting people out of your circle year after year. It will never end.
You know what else will never end if you continue to ride the “…who’s not making it into the New Year, train? The complaints, the feelings of inadequacy, the inability to stand up for what you feel, relationship insecurity, people pleasing, anxiety, social anxiety, and the need for Olivia Pope sized wine glasses every night.
Start with you.
Before the New Year begins, take a self inventory. What are the things that you need to do in order to make the New Year a success? Perhaps you will find that no one is truly abusing your time or your friendship, maybe you’re the one who is not giving yourself the respect you deserve. Speak up.
That friend who only calls when they want something. Say no.
That man/woman you are seeing who will not commit to you. You can keep their number, but keep it pushing.
That UPS worker who throws your delicate packages around. Tell him/her you don’t appreciate it.
That friend who wants to go out all the time, drink the night away, and run up the bar tab. Separate checks.
Stand up for yourself!
That way, you won’t find yourself stressed out, worn out, and beat down come the end of the year. And you don’t have to wait until midnight to make these changes, do it now! Yes, right now. Stand in your truth, with no explanation – not by spite, but necessity.
You have to live with yourself for another 365 days. At the end of 2018, will you come out a victim or a victor? Shed the victim mentality, realize that you are responsible for how you are treated, and begin to set that standard right now.
There is power in the way you look at your circumstances, and in the things you allow. So do that self inventory and start the New Year off right.