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Love Walter: They Said it Would be Wonderful the Second Time Around

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Dear Walter,

I’m recovering from a recent breakup. We have been together for eight months. And we love each other. At least, I thought we did. But I had to end things because I felt that he wasn’t fully invested in the relationship. And now he’s hitting me up (all the time) and says he thinks he wants to get back together. What should I do? Have you ever had an ex who wanted you back?

—Relationship Redux


 

Dear Relationship Redux,

My relationship forced me to wonderland for a year. Just like Alice. It was a romantic journey down the rabbit hole and back, where unrequited love set the stage for the fall. I considered a life frozen in time, punctuated by melancholy and regret — the relics of a failed relationship. Why stress John’s possible return, and be chastised by the Cheshire Cat personified? My wanderlust had me wondering. Thinking our path could converge into marriage would be like taking directions from Twiddle-Dee and Twiddle-Dum.

 

Recently, he called me at 2:30 am. A phone call that late is for a man well-versed in booty calls. What could he possibly want so late at night? My mind took me to sultry places I haven’t been all week. This missed connection read like an ad on Craigslist.

 

Heading in with your heart on your sleeve will get you beheaded by the Queen. I’m not going to be sitting up in my room like Brandy, and watch my life and career pass me by.

 

I’ve jumped the broom too soon! The absence of a proposal hasn’t swayed the public opinion of my closest friends. They are convinced that he wants me back and I should be prepared. A little thing called self-respect repelled me from reverting back to the past. Some may want their exes to want them back. I refuse to repeat the heartbreak, the shout-matches, and the drink-throwing that encompassed our time together. A life like that would make me madder than the Mad-hatter. I won’t RSVP to that tea party.

 

Yet, I offered him an opportunity to ask me back. I wanted my friends to be right. Until I suggested that we should talk. He became apprehensive and defensive.

 

“I need to know what this is about,” he said. “Pending on the subject, I may not want to have a discussion.”

 

We don’t have to talk. I choose not the paralyzing prognosis of the past but the freedom of the formidable future.

 

“You don’t have to commit to a conversation,” I said. “All I have left to say will remain unsaid.”

 

My relationship challenged what I knew about myself. Following the white rabbit back down the hole, like he had answers to what ailed my soul was tomfoolery. Killing time for the king of my heart, would not be smart since he would never measure up to a delusional fantasy. My poetic justice seeped from my pursed lips. I no longer needed validation from an emotionally unavailable man.

 

The plight of a broken heart had me swimming through a pool of tears like a pubescent girl. Back to reality — I awoke from what seemed to be a dream, as the season changed, marking an end to an era.

 

You didn’t seem too confident about your past relationship. And he seems less confident about your future one. And yet these questions still jump from the page?

 

Sometimes, some people think being in a relationship with anybody is better than being alone. And that’s not true. Sometimes you have to work on the relationship you have with your self first. Your new beginning starts with the transformation of yourself. Just like Alice.

 

And you don’t need a looking glass to see that.

 

Love,

Walter


Make sure to also checkout previous Love Walter columns here

Got a question? Email your letters at [email protected] His advice column will appear on Wednesday.

Walter Reed

Walter Reed is writer and advice columnist on love, lust, and life. Romance is his day job. Read more at LoveWalter.com. Follow him on Twitter @ LoveWalterHQ

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