I want to be in love but I don’t know where to start.
Dear Needing Love,
According to Jimi Hendrix, “The story of life is quicker than the blink of an eye, the story of love is hello, goodbye.”
Life is shorter than our sex sessions. Yes, my boyfriend and I tend to finish during commercial breaks. I tend to roll over panting. Yep, this is sex over 30. Balancing schedules and checking accounts are second nature to adults. Sometimes there isn’t enough time.
But as a self-proclaimed “sexpert” we should be averaging 30 minutes. But when I get on top, I ride him like Sea Biscuit. It feels too good to keep going. And there are scenes that last a minute where he would plow through like a freight train, punctuating our time with violent strokes on polyester sheets.
While some can question my stamina but not my heart. Although I started this courtship quickly. Yes, I fucked him on the first night after too many glasses of wine. I was vulnerable and it was Saturday night like a Prince said, so I guess it made it alright.
I doubled booked. After a botched first date with a guy in a penthouse, who entertained with a wine and cheese spread. There was seemingly no intimacy or sexual chemistry. He seemed more interesting in perfecting his entertainment skills. It was like he was practicing for a scene, constantly adjusting the lighting or the sound of the tv. There was something poorly choreographed about it. I guess I didn’t really care back then. Instead, I followed the wine. Me constantly coping, perpetually trying to escape my life without examining the issues, left me in a cycle.
I needed a detox. I had to get that bad date out of my system, so I set up another one. So when I met him at midnight I had low expectations.
But I fell for him faster than I anticipated. There was an instant connection. Sex was the catalyst to our courtship. It was like fuel for our ride. Bouncing on his lap while lip-syncing “OMGs” and “Oh God please,” is where love took over. Can love overshadow one’s life? And is one’s life meaningless if they have never found love?
I’ve never been happier than being in love. Feeling connected with someone who loves you unconditionally is satisfying.
I bat my eyes at melancholy. Moments like these can make one seem so big. While in these troubled times, having a familiar hand to hold at night ignites something within. Suddenly, what was broken and empty is filled with joy and orgasms.
It’s been awhile since I felt like this. And it’s fun again to be a party of two.
So maybe Jimi Hendrix was on to something. Life can be too quick when punctuated with nothing but regrets. We need love to give us a boost, lighting our lives with jolts of energy. Hello and goodbye are more than salutations. They are everything.
They are the bookends of a life.
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