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Love Walter: Make Him Feel Like a Man Again

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Dear Walter,

How can I make my boyfriend top? Please give me some advice? Helppppp!!!!

-Hopeless Romantic


Dear Hopeless Romantic,

The last time I encountered a situation, when my boyfriend was really a bottom, masquerading as versatile. He had no idea how to use anything else but his mouth. I tried to train his penis, poor thing didn’t even know how to put a condom on. Between me spitting, beating and getting sticky fingers from all that plastic, that either broke or slipped off.

 

I remember the first time we broke up. We overslept that morning. He pushed me. I laid awake while he continued to push me.

 

“Walter get up!”

 

“Walter!”

 

“Get up.”

 

“I’m done.”

 

“I hate this!”

 

I ignored his ass until he stopped yelling.

 

“What’s going on? Why are you so mad at me?”

 

“It’s too late now. My parents are up. And you know you’re not supposed to be here. Fuck it. I’m not going to work. I don’t know what you’re going to do.”

 

His grandmother hated me, she was a mean woman with thick lips and hips. She blamed me for turning Ray gay. He sucked dick way before he met me. Meanwhile, his father pretended I didn’t exist, even though his ass waited at the door for us to come in. Ray called his daddy gay. That was likely where Ray learned to suck dick. Passed down from generation to generation.

 

“Ray, what are you saying? I have to go to work and so do you.”

 

The room went silent. He got back into the bed dressed. I placed my head on his stomach as I unzipped his pants. He massaged the back of my head as I began to suck.

 

I’ll be the first to admit, blow jobs bored me. Moving my head back and forth for 5 to 10 minutes seemed like an eternity. I didn’t even know if I was good at it. I had one situation where the guy got pissed off because I wouldn’t deep-throat his penis.

 

“Why aren’t you sucking it sloppy?”

 

“What?”

 

“I want you to spit on that shit man,” he said. “Suck it like you mean it.”

 

I’ll much rather spend that time catching up on the Wendy show. Today felt different, I was into it. Sucking dick brought on new meaning. This was helping us build our relationship.

 

Besides, the holidays were on the horizon—too late to start over.

 

But, he never fucked me like that before. His straightforward routine had our sex life sluggish. I initiated by sliding the condom on him since he didn’t know how to. After a couple of thrusts, I choreographed my segment so I could cum. That was an abridged version of our mating ritual.

 

He maneuvered me like a mistress on his mattress. I felt disrespected. He fucked me like he didn’t give a fuck about me. It culminated to us crashing to the floor.

 

I limped down the stairs following him. His father looked over from his soaps and said nothing. He continued watching tv. Fuck you Mister Johnson.

 

I arrived to work two hours late in pain. I was sore but was still in love. The things I had to do to save my relationship.

 

And I told my boss all about it.

 

But was he really a top? Or just some asshole who wanted to feel like a man for 15 minutes. I should have used that time shopping for sandals.

 

You know it’s nearly impossible to change a man—once in a while—you can turn a bottom. I would start with foreplay to get both of you hot and a little alcohol so that liquid courage will get him feeling like a man again.

 

And if that doesn’t work get a vibrator. You can even get one that you can attach to the wall with just a little spit.

 

With any luck, you’ll be bouncing up and down by Summer.

 

Love,

Walter


Make sure to also checkout previous Love Walter columns here

Got a question? Email your letters at [email protected] His advice column will appear on Wednesday.

Walter Reed

Walter Reed is writer and advice columnist on love, lust, and life. Romance is his day job. Read more at LoveWalter.com. Follow him on Twitter @ LoveWalterHQ

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