Have you ever been too tempted to cheat? I know it’s a sketchy question but I can’t help but ask it. I’m a gay male in my 20’s and I’m technically in a relationship. Lately, we have been having problems and I don’t really know how to fix them. But I’m wondering when you’re not exactly happy, is it ok to cheat?
-Tempting Potential Cheater
Dear Tempting Potential Cheater,
It’s never okay to cheat. Yes, I’m that person. But mistakes or slip-ups do happen. I have been tempted to cheat when my man was on the final leg of his divorce. I had an aunt who died a couple of weeks prior. This was challenging to me mentally and physically. But stressing out my tresses wasn’t the best therapy.
So instead, I danced and drank for stress relief. Meeting strangers in bars and jumping in cars can have you covering D.C. in a single night.
I searched for freedom in the night putting everything on the line because tomorrow wasn’t promised.
When I ran into this straight guy at the club I didn’t think twice. Dark skin, black waves, and baggy clothing—oh my! I met him through a mutual friend, who’s also straight. Apparently, gay clubs are crawling with women and pseudo-straight men who are seeking them. And with my man at home, I thought hanging out with him shouldn’t pose a problem.
Besides, he seemed drawn to me, constantly following me, reaching out like we were friends. 21 questions and too many drinks later, he asked me if I like to suck dick? The mere question sent a shiver up my spine and a tingle down my pants. My heart raced as I attempted to collect my thoughts.
“Yeah, my man like it. But, I’m only doing it when he requests it.”
“Do you swallow?”
“Oh no, you got to swallow it. You gotta surprise your dude. That’s why he ain’t acting right.”
This conversation was coming off a little gay. I had no intentions of getting with him. That’s the last thing I wanted to do. My boyfriend was being a total asshole. Suddenly, needing space to paint his apartment or wash clothes or scrub floors. I didn’t remember the excuse this time. There was always something. I found myself growing aloof to his questionable behavior. But we were moving fast—so was it not unusual if he wanted space to entertain debauchery?
What you put out does come back. I can’t think about what he’s doing and with whom. It breaks my heart to think that he could be doing that. Fuck it. Come what may. I have to maintain a modicum of decency.
Sucking dick kept me too busy in the past. So I had no intentions on sucking a new dick. So when he whipped it out, I was taken aback. He wagged his narrow penis like a small prize.
“Come suck it.”
“No, I can’t I have a boyfriend.”
“He ain’t got to know.”
“No, I love him too much to suck off a stranger’s dick in the middle of the night. But it looks cute.”
I went home that night alone filled with new stories to tell. And I didn’t know what would become of my relationship. But I knew that I still wanted to be in. And that was enough for men not to cheat.
There may be a million reasons to go, but find that reason to stay. If you can’t then just simply find the courage to leave not cheat.
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Got a question? Email your letters at [email protected] His advice column will appear on Wednesday.