Do you tend to “blame” everyone else for your behavior or for the situations you tend to get yourself in? Is taking responsibility for your actions difficult to do? As a result, do you find yourself continuously angry or attracting conflict?
Oh boy! Then, keep reading.
You’re not alone. Many people struggle with accountability daily. It can be difficult to accept that the common denominator in every scenario, relationship, conversation, AND conflict is YOU. It does not mean you are a “bad person”, but it is clear that you are fighting against yourself; the battle is within YOU.
If you are angry most of the time, you have “unhealed” conflict and pain in your own heart and you are probably guilty of projecting all that STUFF onto the world. That’s not a healthy coping mechanism. You must get clear with yourself and realize there are consequences to this behavior. Trust, there will come a day when you project that anger onto the wrong person OR worse, onto the person/s closest to you, except this time it will no longer be excused. Everyone has a breaking point and if you are not willing to make changes NOW, you will reap the consequences later. Don’t allow the battle you are fighting within yourself to ruin your relationships in the long run.
It is time to make the necessary changes that allow you to FREE yourself from your emotional baggage once and for all. Truth is, the battle is yours, no one else’s. Anger is a completely normal, usually healthy, human emotion. But, when it gets out of control and turns destructive, it will 10 times out of 10 lead to problems — problems at work, problems in your personal relationships, and problems with your overall quality of your life. And, it will make you feel as though you’re at the mercy of unpredictable emotions. Time to take responsibility for your actions, once and for all.
So, what can you do to shift the B.S.? I’m glad you asked.
- Make a list of your known triggers (what makes you angry).
- For each trigger, write a different way of responding (versus what you usually do) that feels more empowering. (example: Trigger – “I get angry when people point out a different way to do something when I think my way is the best way.” New response – “I will take a deep breath before responding or allowing myself to get worked up. I will remember there are always several ways to do things and there is no point in getting angry over something so small. If it really bothers me, I will express myself in a healthy way and say why I think the way I am sharing may work best in this scenario. At all costs, I will stay calm. If I can’t stay calm, I will walk away until I get my anger under control.”
- Write down what you will end up “losing” if you don’t exercise healthy ways of dealing with conflict. (example: “I will lose my relationship, my job, my friendships, etc.”)
- Write a letter to yourself focused on forgiveness for your past behavior and how you have not taken accountability in the past. Be clear that you are no longer going to judge yourself about it. Thank your “anger” for showing up to “save you” and say goodbye to it. Mention why you KNOW projecting your pain onto others is unfair to them and to you.
After doing all the above, you gotta relax! Breathe deeply and slowly repeat a calm word or phrase such as “relax” or “take it easy.” Repeat it to yourself while breathing deeply.
Because, enough already. It’s time for you to step up to the plate and take responsibility for the energy you bring to every situation you are involved in. The only person you can control is YOU. Keep that in mind. If you know better, do better!