I am sitting in a small bedroom, staring at the wall. The deafening silence bounces from corner to corner as chaotically as the ideas floating around in my mind. This is a normal day for me- drowning in my own thoughts and ambitions, with too many ideas and not enough time.
Former College athlete.
Former College coach.
I am a jack of all trades, trying to master one- Or none at all, if so I choose.
See, that is something I have always struggled with, even more so as I approach my 32nd birthday. How do I narrow down my ambitions to fit this boring idea I have been fed my entire life? Go to school, get a “good job,” get married, own property, have children, pay taxes, die. That’s what adults do right? Nowhere in that description is there room for creating outside of the biological and social expectations to procreate. And oh yeah, I need to find me a “good man,” in order to do that according to standard, correct?
Yes, absolutely. (pardon my eye roll).
Here’s the problem though, my sexual preference does not align with that idea whatsoever. But that’s okay!
For many years I have struggled with the fact that I AM NOT and will never be “according to standard.” I will never marry a man, I will never settle down and “get a real job.” In fact, there is nothing more real for me then sitting in a small bedroom, sorting through my ideas. Finally I am okay with that because I realize there is a higher purpose, a miraculous clarity, deep within the chaos of my creative mind. I am 100% who and where I am supposed to be- with the sound of my acrylic nails clamoring away at the keyboard, the sound soothing the hamster wheel of creativity that often keeps me up at night. This is me.
Black. Gay. Creative.
And all of these things are what has brought me to Soule. Experiencing community, sharing our stories, and celebrating the fact that none of us are according to standard. These are the things that fuel me.
Writing for Soule has been both a self validating, and intensely self reflective experience. My love for reporting and storytelling, and my obsession with words have aligned me with my purpose. For these reasons and many more, I am so grateful to be the new Managing Editor at Soule and take pride in continuing to be a small piece of a soule-fully collective voice. Our voice.
Never according to standard,