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Is Social Media Ruining Your Relationship Or Is It YOU?

It would be easy to just blame social media for relationships falling apart. People say when you post too much about your relationship, you’re insecure. When you don’t post at all, your relationship must be in danger. Well, which one is it?

I’ve known people to post all day about their relationship (positively) and get shunned by those that think “you’re doing too much” and I’ve known people to post their relationship problems on social media and be dubbed as “petty” — again, which one is it?

It’s NEITHER. Social media is not the problem. YOU are. If you are choosing to share the most private parts of your life on the ‘book or the ‘gram, that’s on you. Yes, it does give some insight to who YOU are based on what you choose to share, but the last time I checked, NO ONE but you and your partner is in the relationship and no matter what you post, NO ONE but you and your partner REALLY know what’s going on.

My wife and I have caught hell for “being too positive and apparently perfect” because we share the highlights of JOY and our LOVE on social media. We always laugh when the haters lurk and feel the need to criticize. Our choice is to post some of our HAPPIEST moments because we KNOW we work hard at this relationship and every day isn’t a bed of roses; marriage can be complicated and tiresome on some days because the reality is you’re dealing with a completely different person that you have to bend and compromise with, someone who won’t always hear you or see your point, someone who has their own individual challenges, BUT you have decided to take a journey together despite of all that. I love my wife and I have no problems sharing that on social media. Do I share our arguments and go all the way in about our daily struggles? NO. Why would I? Some people are just “waiting to see us fail” or “waiting to report back to people we used to be with on how much trouble we are having” and no ma’am, we are NOT falling for any of it. We are NOT here for the petty or the messy. You can have that!

What we know to be true is social media can’t make or break our love no matter what, but we do have a right to share what we want and we are not waiting with bated breath for anyone to approve of our love. We APPROVE and ‘like’ our love and we are good to go as as far as that is concerned.

As adults, if you think social media can break your relationship apart OR keep it together, you’ve drank the kool-aid. Stop guzzling and pay attention.

YOU are the common denominator in EVERY situation you encounter. If you aren’t handling your relationship problems in the privacy of your own home, social media can’t save you, but it also can’t break you. Healthy relationships start with the people involved in them. If you have made social media the reason you aren’t working out, you probably shouldn’t be in a relationship. If you have given social media that much power, you’ve completely missed the point of what REAL communication means.

When you post, yes you OPEN yourself up for criticism — good, bad or indifferent. But, if that’s all you have to go on as far as gauging whether your relationship will last….or can last, again you’ve missed the ENTIRE point.

Adults deal with situations in an adult way, or at least they should. They don’t post things to take a dig at their partners OR to invite others in to satiate them when their partners aren’t “showing up the way they want them to.” That’s not how any of this works.

Social media has taken the rap for behavior that already existed in your relationship. UNHEALTHY or lack of communication is the problem. It’s not social media. It’s YOU. No one puts a gun to your head and says, “post this or else….” YOU do that. So, stop.

Stop making yourself feel better or worse by posting. Post because you choose to and want to, but when your relationship falls apart because you’ve chosen to have secret conversations on social media, hide things from your partner or worse, hang your partner out to dry with a “clever meme”(that you KNOW will make people think you are talking about your partner)….take some accountability. It’s YOU. You’re at the epicenter of it all.

So, take the time to reflect and consider that YOU are responsible for everything you do in your life and in your relationships. YOU are responsible for the energy you bring to EVERY single space you enter.

Don’t make social media the scapegoat for things you don’t choose to deal with FOR REAL. That’s unfair and low key cray cray. Stop it. The life (and relationship) you save will be your own.

 Blessings,

Coach Kerri

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