15 Things To Do When The Sex Is Just Bad

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Sex is magical.

It brings two (or more) people together into an intimacy that transcends words. It makes you one with that person. It’s a physical expression of a spiritual desire.

But sometimes it just sucks.

I mean, let’s admit it. Sometimes sex is just bad. We all have off days – but what do you do if your perfect partner isn’t so great in bed? Should you fake it and hope that they figure it out? Should you blame yourself?

DO: Reflect on the reasons why the sex is so disappointing.

What is it that makes it bad – do you wish they’d be tenderer? Does your mind keep wandering? Are they touching in the wrong spots? Are you feeling self-conscious? When did it become bad?

Be honest with yourself. Most of the times, if you let yourself be brutally honest, you’ll realize that you already know why it’s bad. You just might not like the answer.

DON’T: Put all the blame on bae.

Sex takes two people. Maybe sex is partially bad because your partner isn’t doing something right.

Keyword: Partially.

 Recognize your own role in this – are you focusing on your own pleasure, or lack thereof? Are you too afraid to speak up?

When you finally tell your partner that you’re not feeling it in bed – yes, you have to tell them – don’t make them shoulder the blame.

DO: Tell bae that something’s missing.

If you think that that keeping your boredom to yourself will spare your partner’s feelings…it will. But only for a minute.

They’re going to be much more devastated when they find out, days or months or years later, that you’ve never actually enjoyed sleeping with them. A great relationship requires honesty.

Moreover, if you keep your sexual frustration pent up for days or months or years, you’ll eventually do something you regret.

DON’T: Fake an orgasm.

For the same reason above. Faking an orgasm, regardless of your good intentions, is a lie. And if lying is the foundation of your sex life, you’re not headed toward a good place.

Instead of lying, try…

DO: Mix it up in bed.

So, you think you know what you like in bed? Think again.

You might have a handful of go-to moves that you enjoy. But it’s time to expand your horizons. What’s worked in the past might not work with this particular partner. Different people equals different sex. And that’s a good thing.

Try these 15 things to start opening yourself up to new experiences. Together, you and your partner will discover what works for you.

  1. Watch porn together. You’ll learn a lot about each other’s secret fantasies.
  2. Talk about your kinks together. Then explore them.
  3. If you don’t have any kinks, then explore some kinks you don’t have. You probably have them.
  4. Write each of your secret fantasies down in a jar and pick one each time you sleep together.
  5. If lack of intimacy is the problem, then plan sex-free dates and cuddle times until you become more comfortable together.
  6. Make a sex playlist together.
  7. Try out the Kama Sutra.
  8. Buy toys you never thought about using, and use them.
  9. Be naked around each other when you’re not having sex. This will help you get comfortable with your bodies.
  10. Have sex somewhere new. Maybe a new room in the house. Maybe a car. Who knows?
  11. Take the role you didn’t think you’d want.
  12. Get a tantric massage together.
  13. During and after sex, talk openly about what’s working and what’s not.
  14. Shower together before sex. It’s intimate, plus sex is almost always better when you’re clean and know that bae is too.
  15. Add food into the mix.

Why are you still here? Go! You and bae need to have a conversation, and then hit the bedroom.


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